The key to love is bonding and how to keep that fire alive forever. Bonding is something that begins at birth when your mother looks into your eyes and makes that lasting connection. It’s an emotional tie that begins to develop. Successful marriages generally have strong emotional bonding ties. Relationships usually begin with a strong bond and later the thread of connection weakens between two people. Some of the reasons that this occurs is because we take each other for granted, we stop caring, we miss the moments and mostly communication is lost. To maintain a strong bond we begin with intention, attention and focus on the value of the relationship. Bonding is an attachment that we learn from birth through our primary caregivers, as we grow we become more independent and the bond is not as strong anymore. In romance this same thing occurs especially if we only bond for sexual pleasures. Bonding needs to be harnessed from the eyes and heart along with compassion, respect and support toward your partner. In today’s times it is crucial to work on staying connected to your partner and this is what exploring the romantic arts is all about. When the spark goes the bond weakens and it is necessary to get it back on track if you want to stay together. Losing the spark can cause couples to separate and move apart. It is very common for couples to have a baby to keep the bond alive. This can for a while, but essentially working on the relationship with connecting exercises can strengthen the bond even further.
How does the bond unexpectedly disconnect? There are many factors like I said, not giving each other the desired focus and attention along with communication can cause the brains dopamine and nor epinephrine levels to deplete thereby causing the sensory stimulators of the body to go on freeze. The key to bonding is keeping the senses alive which mean the heart should be open to receive. Restoring the passion with focused intimate exercises is a beginning. The first thing to know is why you come together with a partner. Most connect because of loneliness, nourishment and co-dependency. Being attached offers a foundation of stability, and security. But a lot of the time folks are together just for that and true love is not there or many conflicts are present with a lot of disharmony. The key is to work on yourself to build your own inner foundation of security and stability so that you choose a partner for the right reasons. Going slow at the beginning of the relationship, harnessing every moment and making the right decision. Attachments of co-dependency are harder to walk away from since one person thinks that the other completes them.
So why is it that some of us bond and others have challenges with this delicate part of the human condition? It depends on many things and generally cultivates within the household growing up. The father-daughter bond is a catalyst for girls to feel safe and trust their boyfriends. The father’s role is there to help daughters to create and cultivate a secure foundation so that attachments are healthy and carry certain boundaries. At about age nine when children enter the 4th grade it is a prime year for making those lasting bonding attachments to classmates that are part of the bonding growth. I know this as I missed the fourth grade because of illness for a year. I went through the rest of my years in school feeling left out, non-connected and isolated. A part of me didn’t develop and so I never really felt close or connected to any of the classmates. Even on the family home front as well because my hospital stay kept me in for a year due to rheumatic fever and my family visited only on weekends. So I cultivated a self love and built a strong relationship with myself.
With all the divorce out there children are learning to live with one parent and some will develop attachment issues because of the abandonment that they many experience when a parent separates from the home. Some people may develop elements of isolated feelings, shame, rejection, loneliness which ultimately can lead to defensive armor characterization.
In five easy steps we can get on the path to saving our relationship. I find that couples tend to put the relationship on hold which can set them back. Let’s face it we are all here to connect with others, to be loved and to love, and this is something we put on hold. The realness of life is in your ability to connect with others. As Barbara Streisand sings “people who need people” are the luckiest people. The strength of bonding can chip away if we don’t work at it. The old saying if you don’t use it you lose it.
- First let go of conflicts and grudges; this surely prevents intimate bonding. Take the time to listen and hear each other’s stories and concerns. Stop focusing on the negative, but rather the positive, the solution
- Taking turns initiating active/passive roles; when the brain cells get stimulated with sex this helps renew the bond
- Celebrate sex; do ritual baths, plan for the passion by setting a night aside for that special date, exchange gifts. Plan as a team to build harmony.
- Appreciate your partner; thank them for the little things they do for you. Complement each other for no reason; share in activities even if you are not crazy about his sport show or her tea party. This will help you balance out the male and female energies
- Give each other touch and affection; plan a night for him/her.
